How to Win At The Blame Game

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45 Responses

  1. I think many women deal with these kinds of issues. I don’t know why we feel the need to take the blame. FOR EVERYTHING! It is tied to shame. There’s something wrong with me , so it must be my fault. I wrote a post recently (I think) about taking the blame for everything. I said if we’re to blame for everything l, we must be God. Kind of changed my perspective. So sad you lived so many years like that. I know what it feels like. Freedom is so sweet.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Sheila,
      I agree! Dang, how did I miss that post??? Wow! That is a great perspective. There is nothing sweeter than the freedom Christ gives us through the Holy Spirit! Thankfully, we can both walk together in the power of Christ!
      Love you friend!

  2. Toni Ryan says:

    Thank you for sharing something so personal. Been there, bought the t-shirt, and still wear it from time to time. But, every day is better as Jesus strengthens me.
    We are overcomers my sweet Sister. We are precious in His sight. Never, ever, forget that!

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Toni!
      Hmmmm…I wonder what T-shirt we could make? “I’m not to blame for your problems,” Jesus said so! or “You can’t pull my trigger” 🙂 I love you friend thank you for your endless encouragement!

  3. Cathy Metzger says:

    Oh my precious Sheila… one has a better, kinder heart than you. This is well said.💖

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      If I can be half the woman that you are I will have considered my life successful! You are an amazing woman who inspires me every day in one way or another! Love you!

  4. Sheila, you are a dear! Thank you for being so honest with your struggle. It’s funny how we all have things that we just have a hard time letting go of. For me it has always been the “I’m not enough” game. As you know Sheila Qualls has talked about that and it is so true. Whenever I am tired, or something goes wrong, I fall back into that trap of, “I’m just not good enough!” All of these things are of the enemy and though we have to acknowledge them we don’t have to stay there. That A.C.T idea is perfect. Thanks for sharing that. We are in this together, sister! I am glad we are not alone! – Amy

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Amy! I have decided the enemy preys on the past because he is afraid of what we will do with the power of Christ in our present and the future! We are enough! We just have to remember to ACT on those negative triggers! We are in this together, sister!

  5. Alice Mills says:

    I know this game. I have a tendency to take the blame for my children’s choices or my husband’s mood. Such a good reminder that to be free of guilt and shame is our birthright in Christ.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Alice!
      Yes! Jesus took on all the blame so we wouldn’t have take other people’s blame. What a beautiful reminder there is no guilt or shame in Christ! Thank You!!

  6. Julie says:

    Until you mentioned the part about saying your sorry all the time and always taking the blame to keep the peace I couldn’t really relate. Then it clicked and I said that’s me. I do that too. Thanks for this. It was definatley something unneeded to hear today.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Julie!
      I’m glad you could recognize and now are aware of how to handle this issue. We can’t be responsible for everything, and we need to make others own their responsibility to give ourselves peace. Thanks for being honest and sharing you relate! Isn’t it good to know we are not alone? Blessings to you!

  7. Terri Grothe says:

    Thank you for being honest, the enemy is like a roaring loion seeking whom he may devour.

  8. David says:

    I have a difficult time with the T in your acronym. All my life I have been trained to be sarcastic and have a bad attitude about everything bad that comes into my life. I think it is a defense mechanism really. Then I come online to be a blogger and suddenly I see that everyone for the most part wants to be friendly and professional when it comes to having a business and sharing those ideas with other business owners.

    Then I flip over to Facebook and see all the negativity and sarcastic comments and it’s like a whole different internet. I almost want to make a new Facebook account just for my business and leave my old one alone so that it’s still there but I am never on it. Just to stray away from the negative and sarcastic lifestyle.

    This is a fantastic post and I thank you for sharing!


    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, David!
      Thanks for your honesty! Trust me I have trouble with ‘T” too! I should tell you for those who know me well that sarcasm is my love language. I even designed a T-shirt for it! Defense mechanisms can help shield your pain, but they are like a mask, and until we deal with our real issues it does make you miserable. Trust me; I’ve been there! I agree Facebook has become different, but I figure I have a choice I can be the positivity to encourage and inspire or be like the rest and spew the ugliness. The fact is it is a whole lot easier to do what the crowd is doing than daring to be different. David, You are daring to be different, and I appreciate it!

  9. Ania Travels says:

    Such a beatiful story, you’re so kind hearted. Thank you for sharing something so personal. Nicely said.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Ania!
      Sometimes I ask God why it that I always have to share my personal stuff….and He told me because your personal stuff belongs to me. (Mic Drop!) Thank you for your encouraging words!

  10. Lureta says:

    Oh yes!! You were talking about me!! I’ve done exactly that…take the blame and spit out the apology, knowing full well I’m not to blame. In doing this I’ve enabled quite a few people to dodge responsibility. I believe this is another of the enemy’s ploy to keep God’s children from walking in full freedom.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Lureta!
      I loved your post too! You are right it does make people dodge their own responsibility. What good does that do? He whom the Father has set free is FREE indeed! Let’s walk in it together!

  11. How easy it is for us as women to fall prey to the blame game……where we feel it is our responsibility to carry it…… Or perhaps, any other burden we feel is ours to carry. I believe you a e right…….the enemy is most definitely afraid of what we might do with our present and our future in Christ, so, he will use what he can to keep us held in bondage. But, we were freed from bondage with Christ’s death and resurrection! No longer do we have to carry, that which was never ours to carry in the first place!

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, BW!
      The eneemy may have his day, but we have our eternity! We are free indeed! I hate it when I set it down only to pick it up again. Lord, I need my faith to trust and believe you can handle all things! Thank You for such great insight and reminding me that we don’t have to carry a thing!

  12. Chelf says:

    Thank you for sharing your struggles! I agree we tend to take the blame for everything and we are so hard with ourselves! Lets all try to stay away from negarie triggers as an experiment and see what happens!

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Chelf!
      Yes, I love that experiment! I’m all in! Why do we always tend to take the blame and so incredibly hard on ourselves? It is such a trap! One I’m glad I am learning to fight against by ACTing on those triggers. Thanks for your insight!

  13. I really enjoyed reading this post. I found so much helpful information. I really appreciate your honesty and point of view.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Tasheena!
      I am glad the information was helpful to you. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I hope you will stop by again. My prayer is people will see my honesty through my writing and are encouraged to know they are not alone.

  14. Chemady says:

    I’m so glad to come across this post. Jesus still loves us despite all our wrong. He is forever faithful and awesome in His ways.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Chemady!
      You are right about that! The one thing that will forever hold true is His faithfulness, awesomeness, and love. I’m glad you did too!

  15. It is so easy to get caught in the blame game. I think there is a balance for things in life. And it is important to admit when you are really the person at fault. But you shouldn’t just accept responsibility for everything that goes wrong.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, David!
      You are right it is so easy to get caught in that game. Peace was always so important to me, but now I realize the price I have paid as a result by not allowing people to own their crap. I’m getting better now and calling it like it is because I have learned how to ACT on those triggers. Great insight!

  16. Shreya says:

    Life is always full of ups and down and it is very easy to get caught with all the negativity but it takes a lot to push all the negative thoughts and act upon it. So proud of you,you are managing everything nicely now. Lots of love!
    Shreya |

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Shreya! You are right about the ups and downs of life. It is funny how long negative thoughts can stay with you versus positive ones if you choose them. Prayerfully and Thankfully I can ACT on them now 🙂 Thanks for your encouraging words! Lots of love back to you!

  17. Stefanie says:

    What a great personal post! I understand you so good! I always take blame for everything, even if I know I have nothing to do with that…

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Stefanie! It is a trap isn’t it? So, what are you doing to counter taking the blame? I would love to hear your thoughts!

  18. Kristi says:

    I love the A.C.T. Idea!! Especially the part of reassigning a positive trigger for a negative trigger!

  19. Guilt – blech. It has such a way of wrangling our faith and confidence in God’s plan, doesn’t it. As moms and wives we seem to carry far more than our share. Love your idea to ACT. A very intentional way to deal with those triggers!

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Tiffany!
      I’m sorry for the delay I missed your response ..dang! I appreciate you taking the time to write. Yes, guilt has a way of messing us up big time! I believe we have to be intentional because if we aren’t the enemy loves to make a stronghold! Ain’t nobody got time for that 🙂

  20. Erin says:

    Thank you for your transparency. I think everyone goes through this to some degree, some more than others. You and your family are in my prayers. I’m very impressed with your ability to transform your feelings into action.

  21. Amrita says:

    Yes I would want to be the sparkle !Can you imagine I could feel what you been through .
    But I had the problem if trying to fix everything! Doesn’t happen !

  22. I love the “T” portion of the A.C.T. “Train your trigger into a positive thought.” That’s something I’ve been working on lately.

  23. Caroline says:

    Sheila! Thank you for spelling it out for us. ACT! I love that analogy

  24. Mercedes says:

    Such an important topic. And the older I get there many things that worry me. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Sheila Rhodes says:

      Hi, Mercedes! Thank You for taking time to read it! This is where our faith helps us to be anxious for nothing..knowing and trusting God will always take care of us.

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